The thrills of having a geriatric pet

Throwing the ball:
The older dog doesn't exactly stop on a dime any more. When we throw the ball for our dog, she runs (well sort of a run) and as she gets to the ball, her legs simply fold under her body and she falls on the ball.

Retrieving the thrown-but-now-lost ball:
The older dog often has limited or decreased vision, so following up on the command of "get the ball" often is painful to watch in the older dog. Our dog mostly tries the 'circle around' approach - circle around the yard with a slightly bewildered look on her face, while we stand around and yell get the ball, get the ball, get the ball...all to no avail. (I'm sure this is quite entertaining to someone).

make it easy....

Easy, by The Barenaked Ladies


Singulation does provide the philosophical moment of creation, the scientific (quasi?) moment between free will and determinism, between becoming and being, between abstract and concreteness, between infinity and finiteism. As Arthur Young says in Mathematics, Physics, and Reality, "we are not filling in the continuum, we are dividing it." (Italics his) This process of division relates directly to von Neumann's mathematical 'cut'. This 'cut', this dividing, happens at Planck's constant, a smaller than small abstract mathmatical space along the three dimensions, which in so doing, sets the 4th dimension, time, in place, and provides forwardness and a linear reality to our consciousness, our sense of reality. (It may also provide momentum, but I'm not sure about this yet.)

Pt. Reyes and Michael

I went to Pt. Reyes before Thanksgiving, the North Beach area - the weather was cooperative (no fog) and it was beautiful! As I walked for awhile, listening to the waves, looking for shells and pretty pebbles, I thought about the next generation of people in the world and how *you* my dear, are doing your best to effect positive change in the world by working with young children as a teacher! I noticed how we used to be able to find sand dollars aplenty, shells of other varieties too, but no more. I thought of all the enviromentally related articles in the news lately too - the New Yorker has an excellent one in this month's issue about CO2 uptake, the climate, the weather, the oceans, the whole damn planet is changing, and not for the better.

Sigh. But you are working with the next generation, you are a public school teacher - you are working hard, diligently, passionately. Little ol me appreciates it! I only can imagine how you plan (let alone *do*) what you do: to institute change and learning through working with children, in a system that is bogged down in bureaucracy and regulations, etc. Yikes! For me, to me, it all starts and ends with care and love - that's where the light bulb lights, where consciousness is changed, how evolution proceeds in the positive. And that's where you come in - you are doing a a great job.

Thank you Michael. Thank you for being a great teacher.

Dancing with the intellect

Intellect causes me no pain.

Intellect expands me.

Intellect transcends the boundaries of my emotions.

Intellect serves the greater good.

Intellect causes me no pain.

No date...(maybe in August?)

Let in the pastoral
slowly, not operatic and cacophony like it was before,
the last time
a movement gone by,
coming back, fulfilled.

Turn me round
gently, not betrothen like
invite me
bring me to you, yielding,
coming back, fulfilled.

Stir me
between the perishable
and the absolute
belong to me
between the sun and it's shadow,
coming back, fulfilled.

Open me up
resolute and refined
intrinsically harboring like
a wish,
coming back, fulfilled.

From Brian's class and ...

The Cosmic Code - Hans Pagels
Personal Knowledge- Polanyi
The Ever Present Origin - John Gibson
The End Game - Samuel Beckett
Robert Lofton
Brian Goodwin
Stuart Kaufman
Steven Wineberg

John N. Findlay - Ascent to the Absolute

Archetypical Process - Griffin
Dawkins Dennett - The First Three Minutes

Heisenberg

"The other, stemming from Plotinus, describes it, without any reference to parts, as the translucence of the eternal splendor of the one through the material phenomenon.
...
But if such a unitary principle of all things exists, then -- and this was the next step along this line of thought -- one is straightaway brought up against the question how it can serve to account for the fact of change. The difficulty is particularly apparent in the celebrated paradox of Parmenides. One being is; non-being is not. But if only being is, there cannot be anything outside this being that articulates it or can bring about changes. Hence being will have to be conceived as eternal, uniform, and unlimited in space and time. The changes we experience can thus be only an illusion...In addition to being, non-being can still exist as a possibility, namely as the possibility for movement and form, or, in other words, as empty space. Being is repeatable, and thus we arrive at the picture of atoms in the void -- the picture that has since become infinitely fruitful as the foundation for natural science."

"The next step along this road was taken by Plato with the formulation of his theory of Ideas. Plato contrasts the imperfect shapes of the corporeal world of the senses with the perfect forms of mathematics; the imperfectly circular orbits of the stars, say, with the perfection of the mathematically defined circle. Material things are the copies, the shadow images, of ideal shapes in reality; moreover, as we should be tempted to continue nowadays, these ideal shapes are actual because and insofar as they become "act"-ive in material events. Plato thus distinguishes here with complete clarity a corporeal being accessible to the senses and a purely ideal being apprehensible not by the senses but only through acts of mind. Nor is this ideal being in any way in need of man's thought in order to be brought forth by him. On the contrary, it is the true being, of which the corporeal world and human thinking are mere reproductions. As their name already indicates, the apprehension of ideals by the human mind is more an artistic intuiting, a half-conscious imitation, than a knowledge conveyed by the understanding. It is a reminiscence of forms that were already implanted in this soul before its existence on earth. The central Idea is that of the Beautiful and the Good, in which the divine becomes visible and at sight of which the wings of the soul begin to grow. A passage in the Phaedrus expresses the following thought: the soul is awe-stricken and shudders at the sight of the beautiful, for it feels that something is evoked in it that was not imparted to it from without by the senses, but has always been already laid down there in a deeply unconscious region."

- Werner Heisenberg, "Science and the Beautiful"


BE STILL MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More on Bohm

From the Undivided Universe:

Even though many physicists feel that making such calculations is basically what physics is all about, it is our view that the intuitive and imaginative side which makes the whole theory intelligible, is as important in the long run as is the side of mathematical calculation". "The correspondence principle then demonstrates the consistency of the quantum theory with this presupposition...because of the need to presuppose the classical level (and perhaps eventually an observer) there is no way in the conventional interpretation to give an consistent account of quantum cosmology."

Singulation then is a many-worlds interpretation - many worlds not embedded within, but on a continuum from classical to quantum.
It's a model of a wave collapsing into a particle - starting at the singulatity and happening very, very fast initially then slowly (with cooling?) slowing down, depending on size and gravitational factors. (With longer times this approxs. our stochastic trajectories).

These ideas are connected with our ontological interpretation by means of a mode of a particle as a sequence of incoming and outgoing waves, with successive waves very close to each other.

"Do what the many worlds interpretation has not succeeded in doing adequately, i.e. - to show that the quantum theory contains a 'classical world' within it."

See Ghirardi, Rimini and Weber for non-linear non-local modifications of Schrodinger's idea; that would cause the wave function/the collapse process is significant only for large scale systems containing many particles.

Higher, further out...

Higher, further out
bits falling
behind

journeys end

no, she slyly smiled, it's only just begun.

Reading Bohm's Undivided Universe now...
Ascent of Science by Brian Silver
Mathematics, Physics and Reality, by Authur Young
The Philosophy of Space and Time, by Hans Reichenbach
A Sophisticate's Primer of Relativity, by P.W. Bridgman
The Undivided Universe, by D. Bohm and B.J. Hiley
Catching the Light: The Entwined History of Light and Mind, by Arthur Zajonc
The Essential David Bohm, Ed. by Lee Nichol
Quantum Applications: Essays in Honour of David Bohm
The Genius of Science: A Portrait Gallery, by Abraham Pais


Knowledge is ALL, intellect the key to the lock within the absolute, the eternal.


How do I know that? I just do.

I stand proud and strong, I reach for the sky, I feel and resonate with the transcendence to leave the physical plane and ascend, inward and upward, to the most pure, pure intellect, pure mind. My end and the world's beginning - my end is mind, the world's beginning is nature.

Singulation is a many-worlds interpretation

What really sucks sometimes is that the whole process of singulation seems like that psychological representation of (is it Freud's picture?)an iceberg - and the picture shows just a little bit of the top of the iceberg peeking out from the water, the massive majority of it submerged below. I offer up this analogy because I sometimes have to just sigh and shrug my shoulders - as the iceberg melts, more understanding and knowledge comes - similar to what is happening to me, within me, from trying to give birth to the singulation process. Specifically, I have to continue to read and understand soooooooooooooooo much of physics, or at least gain some perfunctory understanding of conceptual physics, so I can even intellectually frame and most importantly, articulate what I already know, albeit that it is submerged within my soul.
Sigh - this leads to me finally reading Bohm and Hiley's book and seeing that singulation is a many-worlds interpretation - with a twist.

More on this soon.

Updating the Table/Continuum

OK -
Maybe mind isn't the all and backdrop, maybe human consciousness is just one side of the continuum - on the Quantum side of the table, and that would put NATURE on the Classical side.


So from the microworld, moving forward to the macroworld view = nature is classical, large, gravity/gravitational effects, slower.

And on the other side = mind is quantum, faster, etc.


Reading: The Undivided Universe - David Bohm and B.J. Hiley




And from E. Schrodinger's What is Life? essays; The only possible alternative is simply to keep to the immediate experience that consciousness is a singular of which the plural is unknown; that there is only one thing and that, what seems to be a plurality, is merely a series of different aspects of this one thing, produced by a deception (the Indian MAJA); the same illusion is produced in a gallery of mirrors, and in the same way Gaurisankar and Mt. Everest turned out to be the same peak seen from different valleys".

writing and speaking and research...

You know, as I age I find it increasingly difficult to write on or think some subject through 'on demand'; unfortunately, like as in a class writing assignment.

My mind has to brew, like making a cup of coffee. The lecture is the water, which needs to come to a boil, and then it gets poured through and over the coffee grounds, which is like my mind. After it gets a change to seep through and become coffee, then it's finished and tada! You have hot, fresh coffee and hopefully, to finish up this analogy, I have a paper written.

LOL!

Truth and reality

Truth is reality, is mind, is a whole of all consciousness, like the warp and weave of the fabric of life.

Only when we speak the truth does it start to interact and change our environment and consciousness - Truth can be compared to the subconscious - submerged, flowing, connected, but not erupted and 'out' like our consciousness is - not interacted with.

Truth is merged and flowed together within ALL of our unconsciousnesses.

Letting the truth 'out', in effect, changes it, changes all that interacts with it - sorta like singulation. Truth is a wave in origin - upon speaking, it becomes a particle.

What if?

What if singulation does happen at the quanta level - the wave collapses. There are literally billions of quanta...the frequency of the wave is indeed rotating, so as that energy singulates, as it changes, conservation would suggest that the energy continues, but in another form, but the energy is still there. What if after the singulation happens, the loss of the photon changes this energy into dark matter? Or dark energy. This would explain the break of symmetry between the 4 forces too - the increase of mass with electromagnetism after singulation, as it continues to cool, would therefore increase the gravitational forces and then the by product would then be dark matter.

What if? I wonder how this might be calcuated mathematically - but I bet you could do it and get in the ball park of the amount of dark matter and energy in the universe.
(check out the Wikipedia entry on Dark Matter)

Truth and Beauty

You know, I've decided that Beauty is a pale, but certainly more jovial, companion to Truth....
So it's not so much that they are equal in qualities, but Truth *must* contain more than Beauty, must encompass more, more pain, more inconsistencies...Beauty is indeed one of the absolute forms, but different somehow - I'll have to look up what Plato said...



THE MORE LATER PART:

Plato loved knowledge - felt in his bones the truth (and the beauty) in knowing and becoming.

Rainbow prisms and singulation

Two things this early fall morning:

1. I hung a giant (well, golf ball size) crystal in the kitchen window this weekend and this is the first morning when it has been sunny and I have been around to see the result (two conclusions here: it hasn't been sunny of late, and I'm working way too much and having to go in early!) So my kitchen is now filled with rainbow prisms and it's quite spectacular and beautiful!

2. If you Google Singulation and Physics - hey! On or about the 2nd page of results, you come up with my Blog!!!!! Just remember world - that's my word and I'm defining it and the process :=)~

Calvin and Hobbes

From Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) found when I was reading up on the 2nd Law of Themodynamics =

'Calvin, from in the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes, when faced with a difficult question in a class test "Explain the second law of thermodynamics in your own words" (some what advanced topic for a six-year-old) takes the wording of the question literally and answers "Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattom gazork. Chumble spuzz".


Ya gotta love Calvin!

My (our) generation and...

What I'm calling our generation's 'cosmological imperative'.

This morning my soul sat up and took notice - that all of us, my (our) generation, has a cosmological imperative to (and please excuse the free love type metaphor) join hands and come together - before we fade away!
Like-minded people are drawn together, experience synchronicities, and are drawn together like atoms, to make something, to make a change - don't deny what we can all do when we join together to fulfill our cosmological imperative.

Singulation is NOT value neutral!

I woke up this morning crying.

Singulation is indeed a process that is in everything and is also "in time", a progressing forward moving time; from conception, to atoms smashing, to a table, a tree, the mist over the river. reality-making is life itself (and I know this isn't earth-shaking news, BUT, I think my heart realized it this morning).

Singulation is consciousness in the making, and it's not value neutral. It is something POSITIVE. It's a positive process!!!

In my conversation with J this morning another major attribute of singulation came out : that is - When singulation happens, we (and I use that term very loosely, I think I mean we as a collective experiencing entity) are just able to experience that reality, not reflect, process, manipulate, etc. our 'thinking' during the creation process...In other words, some reality is just experiential and you have to be there and live it while it's singulating...

Singulation is...

Singulation is a philosophical and scientific construct for a quantum mechanical process, how a wave becomes a particle and a particle becomes a wave: the collapse of the wave function. Schrodinger's explanation is that by measurement the wave 'collapses' into a measurable particle, or non-wave function. This collapse also sets the directional arrow of time, in fact making the particle and the wave itself, multidimensional. This collapse, which happens at Planck's constant, repeats over and over again at the quanta level, for each quanta.

Singulation then is in itself a collapsing process where consciousness is the measuring 'device'.

This created reality is a complete and unified continuum from finite to infinity, and uses concepts from classical physics to quantum mechanical theories. The continuum ranges from the microscopic to macroscopic.

(This part is 'in progress' - That singulation is directly related to the Big Bang theory of singularity - in that the universe had a 'point', a singularity, that birthed our cosmos. Singuation takes this 'point' up and continues it, repeats it, expands it, and make it a more continuous process that functions to create reality within an abstracted time frame.

This process has elements of and is related to:

2nd Law of Themodynamics
Platonic Forms



August 2006 -
Reading Mathematics and the Good - Alfred North Whitehead

(Still thinking that the bridge between the real and the not-observable is Math...)

This essay is excellent! Whitehead reminds us that Plato also (besides me ;-) "throughout his life, maintained his sense of the importance of mathematical thought in relation to the search for the ideal."

"Human intelligence can conceive of a type of things in abstraction from exemplification. The most obvious disclosures of this characteristic of humanity are mathematical concepts and ideals of the Good-ideals which stretch beyond any immediate realization."

"The finite essentially refers to an unbounded background. We have now arrived at the converse doctrine, namely, that infinitude in itself is meaningless and valueless. All value is the gift of finitude which is the necessary condition for activity. Also activity means the origination of patterns of assemblage, and mathematics is the study of pattern. Here we find the essential clue which relates to the study of the good, and the study of the bad."



From Paradigms Regained: A further exploration of the mysteries of modern science, by John L. Casti 2000, William Morrow.

p.226 -
"This artificial division of a physical system in a quantum subject and a classical observer has always been the most unsatifactory aspect of the conventional quantum-mechanical wisdom. It is what gave rise to von Neumann and Wigner's attribution of the role of human consciousness as the agent of the wave functions collapse. And it is also the source of Bohr's complementarity principle, by which an object can display wavelike or particlelike behavior..."

p. 227 -
"Decoherence is directly tied to the fact that classical systems are 'large'. The degree of classical behavior that a system displays is completely determined by the size of the system, relative, say, to the size of a completely quantum object like an electron. If the size is large, then the system will work and behave like a Newtonian system, a billiard ball or bullet. But if the system is small, then we can expect quantum interference to enter in an important way into its behavior."

See, I was right!! (see table of large to small, classical to quantum, from Saturday May 13th post on this blog.
I need a physicist! It would have saved me some precious time...or, I guess, it's best to figure this stuff out for myself...:-)


5/30/06

OMG - Is life being created, the act of living cells reproducing, an act/process of singulation? Could everything be put on a timeline with the outward parameters like on the table (of a few posts ago)?

Micro/atoms/molecules/cells/fertilization/synchonicity/sound/larger stuff/a chair/trees/man/the cosmos



So Dr. Leonard Susskind is sorta (!) a bigwig on the theoretical physics scene -
http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/bios/susskind.html
and a group of us went to hear his talk/lecture/book promotion at the Randall Museum the other night....sigh...here are my thoughts, but, she shakes her head back and forth, I left with some serious doubts....

What's really going on in science and intelligent design, particularly in physics? According to Susskind, a divided encampment is in place and continues to emerge - The A's vs. the M's. The A's are the Anthropic types =
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthropic_principle
and the M's are the Math folks.
he then proceeded to explain the issues at hand, so to speak - Why are we here? Why do we exist, and how the two camps are divided in their responses, yada yada...BUT, he used just about every abstract word and concept I could imagine (w-bosons, garks, clucks (no, no clucks, but it was almost as fantasmigorical :-)) and he didn't present any math (not that ANYONE of us in that hall would have understood any of it - I mean really, I'm being generous to say that all the math that goes into figuring out all this physics stuff is ONLY understood and talked about by less than 10 white guys in the whole world!!!)

Susskind talked about the cosmological constant, which (I think) is an anti-gravity repulsive force that increases with distance. The cosmological constant is called dark energy. The CC is very small, at least a 100 spaces of zero.
He also discussed String Theory. I wrote down it has 9 dimentions total, 6 of which are extra space.

He also discussed cy's - which must be figured out mathematically from about 32 light years away - another great example of how something is put out of the reaches of 99% of us...He could have stood up there and 'said' anything!



Infinity is motion or movement. How can one 'go' (even in a mathmatical sense!)from 0 to infinity without movement or motion? (Talking here about mapping to the imaginary plane...) =
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_number
and =
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_unit
and of course this relationship to quantum mathematics =
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_mechanics#Mathematical_formulation


What are the constraints of the 3rd dimension? Or, differently worded; what are the limits? Is time one of them?

Is time a a by-product of singulation or an ingredient? (in my original formulation, it was an ingredient, now I'm not so sure). As in when consciousness (the observer) and atoms come together, reality/form/matter is made, and then does time begin? We view time as moving, ala is is then already a part of this dimension or is it made/generated during the singulation process?

Math is the language of concepts. Proofs are required....necessary and sufficient within the logical system, of course related to philosophy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_Mathematics_Comes_From

Dick asked me to explain the 'do' of singulation - What does singulation do?

My head hurts and I feel dizzy - just like I did on Saturday - more later...:-)


So the 'big bang' theory ala not just a singularity, a process of singulation - that the universe was created in an 'instant'/singularity- why could it not be the macro of the same thing that happens as micro level, in which reality is created/singulation?

MICRO	MACRO
Dynamic infrastructure	Newton's Laws
Atomic level - elements, atoms	Complex entities - humans, tables, trees
Faster	Slower
Probability math	Unified theory
Quantum mechanics	Einstein
Time speeds up?	Gravity

Is force a by-product of the move towards macro? Do only heavy/big things have/are effected by gravity? Is force an intrinsic by-product of singulation?
One the micro level we see forces instead of objects.



I started crying in class the other day, during Ric's lecture on Whitehead, Hillman, Jung, and Griffen. He showed me (well, not just me of course) that I'm on the right track -

process psych transpersonal psych physics
philosophy experience math

These aren't exact quotes, but -

Archetypes have transcendent qualities because we can decide how things can become/undone - we decide to 'hold' the dualism, the range, seeing and living the range, because we HAVE to, as in Jung's case.
He said about S Grof - that we have mostly only experiences in the past - childhood memories, consciousness through another consciousness, like I have been a rock - may be drug induced, may be altered state - "rock consciousness" - but the 'in the past' part is key - and I wanted to say of course! That's because it - that consciousness, that totally subjective reality/consciousness, can only mostly be (probability/math can show what the probabilities are) in the past, because singulation has not yet created that reality.

Whitehead could be viewed as theoretical physics - esp. 'pure possibilities" and the contrabutation to actualites....



What a great book!
p. 178 - "When we also consider that the universe has been evoling since the big bang via the exchange of quanta in and between fields, the fact of non-locality has always been a feature of this process leads to other, more formidable conclusions. Since all quanta have interacted with one another in a single quantum state and since there is no limit to the number of particles that could interact in a single quantum state, the universe on a very basic level could be a 'single' quantum system that responds together for further interactions."
The big bang was a 'single' singularity. At that point and after, the quantum system became available for singulation, meaning that through consciousness via observation/measurement, the one became many, as the singulation process repeats that one aspect many times over, throughout the unified whole - through a faster-than-light communication of non-locality.
"In the actual-events ontology, proposed by Werner Heisenberg, the fundamental process of nature is viewed of a sequence of discrete actual events." Yes! The quantum potentia plus human consciousness/observation.
I'm working on this now:
classical view >singualtion<>singulation< classical view
Which one? As in the books view..."Although he (Stapp) conceded that Bohr's CI must be invoked to understand quantum mechanical events that are not observed, or that occur 'outside' the human brain, he claimed that the wave function collapses into single high-level classical branches, rather than lower-level states, 'within' the human brain."
YES!
This goes back to my question - is human consciousness an ontology?
My issue with this book is the insistance on theory being subjectable to "verification via controlled and repeatable experiments." Consciousness is NOT verifiable and results in "ambiguity" as it must. But then again, what is math anyway? An abstract system of theoritical representations by numbers - not unlike consciousness. The book refers to Penrose's arguement - 'They (microtubules) could collapse the wave function, and this could result in the non-computability that, according to Penrose, is necessary for human consciousness."
Yes!

More later...



This book is fantastic! Reading it cover to cover - now on Chapter 9, and today on BART I was so intently reading I took the wrong train - yikes! Lucky for me I didn't get to far along before I took my head out of the book and saw that I wasn't where I was supposed to be...

I almost felt sick while reading Chapter 9 - it's sooooo right! I feel like I'm in this strange channeling space intellectually - I have never had an interest or understanding of physics before, or metaphysics -but since the singulation insight (or whatever else to call it), I'm readinng like crazy to help make literal sense of what I already feel like I KNOW - maybe it's just that psychological things where when you intellectually process things in your mind you only retain or process the items that fit in with your schema - I'm not sure what the term is - it almost feels like some kind of channeling activity intellectually. Weird.
So I cont. to read everything I can get my hands on in physics, metaphysics and philosophy - - to fill in and compare/contrast what I know in my head that's right with the singulation process - and then today I felt almost sick to my stomach, because I was understanding Chapter 9 very deeply, it was resonating with what I know already - it's amost like I know what I know but I need other knowledge to help delineate it and jell it - again, very strange feelings, almost like an altered state of consciousness...



The Fabric of the Cosmos - sections on Einstein and Quantum Mechanics and the Heisenberg and Uncertainty part...

OK, so Niels Bohr disagreed with Einstein. Einstein felt the usage of probability in the wave/particle location reflected an inaccurate view of what 'really' makes up reality, via use of an abstract mathematical sequence. Quoting Greene, "So, Einstein asked, doesn't that mean that the probability wave is merely a stand-in for a more precise description - one yet to be discovered - that would predict the electron's position with certainty?" So Bohr retorts that one doesn't have to be certain where it is before it singulates...it's just floating around, maybe here, maybe there. Greene again - "The probability wave encodes the likelihood that the electron, when examined suitably (insert the word SINGULATES here)will be found here or there, and that truly is all that can be said aboutr its position.

So - I say, why can't it be that both Enstein and Bohr are right? They are not so opposite to me - the electron is close, approximately, (Einstein) then by measuring/observing the thing singulates, and then we know the almost-where of the probability wave (Bohr)?
Greene one more time - "In this view, when we measure the electron's position we are not measuring an objective, preexisting feature of reality. Rather, the act of measurement (insert word singulation here) is deeply enmeshed in creating the very reality it is measuring."
Bohr came up with using gravity and it's effect on time to throw aside another of Einstein's challenges, but inho, the time factor (along with gravity) shouldn't interfere with placing the electron is a close relationship to where it's going to become reality. Time switches the observation/measurement to singulation. It 'fixes' the change - matter and consciousness 'set' the time arrow - becoming the past present future time arrow as we experience it. Gravity can pull the hell of time, and it doesn't matter until consciousness gets involved. The electron is the micro level, consciousness is the macro level, of the same thing.

So, where does the speed/location part of Heisenberg come into this?



Well, maybe not CRAZY, just nuts!

OK - so here's the rest of the singulation process - it's pretty much done.

1. Reality as ambiguious space (can be multidimentional space) no movement

2. Classical physics (unidirectional)
Matter comes together with time via observation = Singulation happens!

3. Our reality = normal perception allows for 3 dimensional experience

Arrow of time past ......present......future = as we perceive it in the role of observer
(This is why we can't see into the past, because singulation has happened, so singulation = absolute spacetime
That's why we can't see into the future because singulation HASN'T happened yet.


OK - I don't really need to "deal" with the motion part -
For singulation to happen you only need energy or consciousness and time. I think all the other reading I'm doing is confuzing me!

"In the classical mechanics a given object is either a particle or a wave." In quantum mechanics, the emphasis is on the "primacy of measurement", and for me, in the act of observing, we singulate the behavior or properties to become one or another of these properties.

From another SI article speaking about Time - "It arises when theorists try to turn Einstein's general theory of relativity into a quantum theory using a procedure called canonical quantization. The procedure worked brilliantly when applied to the theory of electromagnetism, but in the case of relativity, it produces an equation - the Wheeler-DeWitt equation - without a time variable. Taken literally, the equation indicates that the universe should be frozen in time, never changing."
Well, the process od singulation changes that. Every time energy changes from the wave to the particle or from the particle to the wave, upon observervation, for that attosecond, time stops. Time freezes. Just for that process to happen, and then things resume, under whatever forces or principle the thing now belongs to, or adheres by.

OK - now I need a friendly physicist to write me an equation, so I can test this idea. Any volunteers?

Here's the Wikipedia thing on the Wheeler-De-Witt equation -

In theoretical physics, the Wheeler-DeWitt equation is an equation that a wave function of the Universe should satisfy in a theory of quantum gravity. An example of such a wave function is the Hartle-Hawking state.

Simply speaking, the WDW equation says

H |\psi\rangle = 0

where H is the total Hamiltonian constraint in quantized general relativity.

In general the Hamiltonian vanishes for a theory with time scaling invariance.

There is also a diffeomorphism constraint.


10/16/05 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wheeler-DeWitt_equation

I really haven't a clue what all that means - I'm needing some help here!

Books...

Paradigms Regained. A further exploration of the mysteries of modern science. By John Casti.

The Ascent of Science. By Brian Silver.

I HAVE to return these books to my school's Library; I have a hella big late fee fine going on! I'm going to buy the Silver book, for myself...it's one of the most well written books I've read lately.

From PR:
"Measure can only exist if the measuring apparatus obeys the classical laws of physics..."
My question here: Is unmeasured the same as unobserved?

cont, p. 226 -
"...since we always assign a definite value to the measurement (not a probability distribution of possible values), such a measurement can only exist if the measuring apparatus obeys the classical laws of physics. This means we must deal with the cat (Shrodingers) as a macroscopic - not quantum - object. This artifical division of a physical system into a quantum subject and a classical observer has always been the most unsatisfactory aspect of the conventional quantum-mechancial wisdom. It is what gave rise to Von Neumann and Wigners attribution of the role of human consciousness as the agent of the wave functions collapse. And it is also the source of Bohr's complementarity principle, by which an object can display wavelike or particle like behavior..."
"This whole line of argument is superficially similar to another of Niels Bohr's famous principles, what is usually termed the Correspondence Principle. It states that the average behavior of a whole lot of identical quantum systems should mimic the behavior of a classical system. But decoherence addresses more the P of C...That is =, that the object is always both, and it is that degree of decoherence that determines whether we see it more as a classical particle or as a quantum-like wave. " He goes on to say..."The end result is that classical and quantum realities can be reconciled, after all. The classical world is simply embedded within a larger quantum reality, one that manifests itself only in the world of the very small and the very quick."

More on all this later - I HAVE got to return these books!

New Words for August

Propitious = presenting favorable circumstances; likely to result in or show signs or success

Cachet = An indication of approved or superior status

Implacably = incapable of being placated (I may have listed this one before)

Enmity = a state of deep-seated ill-will

Biografiends = James Joyce's word for nosy academics!

Torpor = a state of motor and mental inactivity with a partial suspension of sensibility

Verisimilitude = the appearance of truth; the quality of seeming to be true

Demimondaine = a woman whose sexual promiscuity places her outside respectable society

new words # 7,459

OK - my wordsmith and the New Yorker are kicking my ass lately; here's the latest list:

1. Prolixity = boring verbosity

2. QED = (I'm not even SURE here what definition to use!) but I'll guess - Abbreviation for quod erat demonstrandum (Latin, meaning "“which was to be proved"”)

3. Orotund = marked by fullness, strength and clarity or sound; sonorous. 2. pompous; bombastic.

4. Insouciant = casual: marked by blithe unconcern.

Meant to love...

Sometimes I think I'm only meant to love, not be loved by someone else, not have love, be loved just to me. I may have ended up choosing a path that leaves me alone, but my truest consolation will be to have loved - sharply, poetically, expansively, unequivocally, greatly, otherworldly, truly.

My soul opens up when I love, I become a better person, I'm whole, I get that transcendence I so ardently desire...
Today I wonder if by really deeply loving someone else we can shed our egos, overcome our selfish ego and our self-centered desires...
I think so...

AND most importantly, if you are reading this and wondering "Is she talking about loving me?", then YES! you know that I'm writing about you, and I LOVE YOU!!!

Oh, and lastly, the kind of love I'm talking about doesn't just have to be a person to person kind of love - it can be the love of anything, everything - like nature, like a color, like a great book. As long as you feel it's vivid, compelling, everlasting, eternal, lofty.

Archetypes and the planets

The question that remains is that if Saturn is the archetype father planet for the ego, what would be the archetype planet for the mother archetype? (Of course, all this stuff came out/over/through the dream I had the other night, and I really don't know anything about planets and archetypes and all this, so *please*, if you come along on this blog and you can contribute something to the gestation bin, please do!)
I thought maybe the mother archetype planet would the Sun, you know, the Sun gives life, makes things grow, makes warmth, etc. but then I thought maybe it would be the Moon, with it's feminine connections...

Nature and humans

What are those planets doing today? I'm overcome with these Saturn (?) revelations this morning, waxing between intimate connectedness and philosophical distance..like,


Man (Humans) are ONLY just a relection of Nature.

Nature is our Psyche.

Overpowering ego...

I think it's Will that can overpower ego.
Or Will can transcend the changes that Ego makes, would be a better way to put it.

Ego death or change

So does one does have many types of Egos? - Sexual, Parental, etc. or is there just one? What happens when your Ego dies, or it's shed like a snake skin; what's underneath, below?

I saw, in a dream last night, that the ego was like a version of geology and plate tectonics, where the Ego was akin to a continent, floating atop and around ones true self.. Each continent then could be seen as types of Egos or versions of egos, and of course in each of these continents, geological forces occasionally took over to change the lay of the land, the geography, the tiny foundation of apparent terra firma that lies below...
And thanks to J for then further extending this image to both the oceans (maybe here the image is deep and surface pieces of the ego) and to point out the addition/image of a volcano, and eruption from below to the land level of the self and the ego - what is the magma? What changes on what level are wrought by eruptions? What causes these eruptions? What's is the magma then? (That's one of the most interesting concepts to me right now...)

New Yorker and word substitutions

6/12/06

Taking a part out of a NY story, and substituting the word "men" for the word "art", or hey, how about substituting the word "sex" for "men"?

..."Attempting to burrow and disappear into the admiration of certain men, I tried to make such deep and pure identification that my integrity as a human self would become optional, a vestige of my relationship to men. I wanted to submit and submerge, even to die a little. I developed a preference, among others, for men that required endurance, that mimicked a galactic endlessness and wore out the non-believers...By trying to export myself into a place that didn't fully exist, I was asking men to bear my expectation that they could be better than life, that they could redeem life. At the depths I'd plumb them, so many perfectly sufficient men became thin, anemic. I sucked the juice out of what I loved until I found myself in a desert, sucking rocks for water."

Goo, again

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am


I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Soul

I can't believe you're saying
That you've given to me all that you can
I can't believe you're thinking
At the top of your lungs this feels so bad

All that I see
What's left here for me

I want your soul
Give it to me now
I want your soul
Give it to me now

I know that we are breaking
Apart the hands that once were closed
I know when we are faking
From the top of my lungs down to my bones

That's all there is
That's left to give

I want your soul
Give it to me now
I want your soul
Give it to me
Give it to me
I want
Give it to me
I want your soul
Give it to me now, now
I want your soul
Give it to me
Give it to me now

Rocco Deluca and The Burden

Old notes

From 12/05

Bohm: But I'm saying that everything is the observer and everything is the observed.

Irreducible elements of singulation:

Matter in time...observer observes...matter singulated...reality is decided, time freezes, then continues. Time is inherent in singulated matter/energy.

Math. It all about using mathematics.
Bohm: Abstract math as the 'accessable language'.
Weber: Beyond all language = Fourth level
Mathematics = Third level
Heisenberg: Mathematics as the essence of reality
Godel: Mathematical inituition

Sexuality and Transcendence - ouch! Watch your touch!!

Background music for this post: Eminence Front - The Who

My sexuality, these days, is akin to quantum physics visual representation of a multiverse - multilayered, shimmering, dynamic..like the picture Susskind came up with during his lecture...and my sexuality is also power, and powerful, and illuminating my relationships...

So I have been wielding it as a weapon lately, but only en garding with those who have no sharp tip to return my thrusts...LOL! What's exactly up with that? (she asked with a raise of her eyebrows on the 'up' word in that sentence...)

And boy, am I feeling the swinging (oh - and there are so many layers of analogies in here, wow!) of the back and forth, higher and higher arc of the sexuality/sensuality pendulum swing - gaining strength and forthrightness with each pass to the come point...yeah. In other words, if you push your sexuality and your lust, desire, ardor, to higher and higher grounds and feats, do you get the reciprocal better and bigger orgasms in return? Does one eventually find the thing one is seeking? What is the relationship there, here, between stimulation and titillation and fulfillment?

I have pushed away all the sex - and thought I only wanted the love...and then I pushed away all the love, only thinking I wanted the sex...both pushes are too much, too pushed out, into, of a shape that I resemble.

I ONLY want the transcendence, really, in my soul of souls. And it doesn't seem to be obtainable with my wholly contradictory universe; my self.

John Butler Trio

Why do I deserve such a visit
From the one I thought I'd never meet.
Beyond my greatest expectations.
You exceeded everything.
Well here I am

Take me for what you see
For I'm transparent in the light of you.
And look inside,
See that fire burning bright
The same one you rekindled inside me

My mouth was dry
only you quenched my thirst
I thought I was last
You told me I was first.

And I thought I was seeing Angels
And now I know I was.
your wings around me
Feel good they always does .

So there I was
Ain't the same man I used to be
But do you still like what you in me.
For I am frightened
Shed so much I clung onto
The only thing I got left is this guitar and you.

Nowhere to run
Been out here too long
Under the sun.
Am I too afraid
To get some.
To afraid to give myself some shade
I hope and pray I do some day.

Belonging

Belonging

wanting to holy belong.

searching for the sense of self
in the wholly experienced
fulfilling
another in their eyes, their soul

looking out into the wide yawning cosmos
finding only my reflection
still
installed in the incommunicable.


Inside; transparent, motionless, transistory, hollow belonging
not oneness
incarnate
channeling what is not your own.

Am I always to be outside?
filled with longing
to belong.

Dividing up stuff still...

The Ascent of Science by Brian Silver is a great book! It's so sad too, that he died right before publication..(I think...)

String theory is stupid. Dismissed.

Chaos theory is where it's at - and it connects better with the mathematics side...

More later, and I fully realize I need to get on with this, and stop doing something else, but SE has been taking up a lot of my time lately, which may be coming to an end soon...we will have to see.

A symbol for the psyche

Crack in the egg

Thanks to A and D and of course, my Dad, for the ever fruitful Saturdays at Kin Yen, and the stimulating conversations :-)
They were giving me an especially challenging time yesterday - I wrote out the whole thing(s) on the back of an envelope....Better than a napkin? LOL!

Title too big to fit here....

new words:

1. apposite
2. ineffable (not really new, more just forgotten, and I do want to revive it because it's a beautiful word!)
(The rest are all from a few of Anthony Lane articles in recent (well, one is from '03) The NY'ers; I very much like his visual images and specifically taut treatment of words!) (I mean come on, AL is a damn wordsmith, listen to THIS: "You come away from the book wrung out, stretched between pity and exasperation, relieved that you didn't have to crouch in the blast area of Lowell's existence (though regretful that you weren't in his classes, at Boston University in the nineteen fifties and later at Harvard), and frankly amazed that any poetry at all, let alone great poetry, was able to emerge from the wreckage." ------WOW! That's visual writing!
3. encomium
4. implacably
5. jud(der)(ing)
6. obsequies
7. magniloquence (I think I already can figure out what this basically means, but I still wrote it down, as I am enamored with the way it sounds when spoken!)
8. quotidian (same as above)

Singulation - macro and micro

So the 'big bang' theory ala not just a singularity, a process of singulation - that the universe was created in an 'instant'/singularity- why could it not be the macro of the same thing that happens as micro level, in which reality is created/singulation?

MICRO	MACRO
Dynamic infrastructure	Newton's Laws
Atomic level - elements, atoms	Complex entities - humans, tables, trees
Faster	Slower
Probability math	Unified theory
Quantum mechanics	Einstein
Time speeds up?	Gravity

Is force a by-product of the move towards macro? Do only heavy/big things have/are effected by gravity? Is force an intrinsic by-product of singulation?
One the micro level we see forces instead of objects.

The truth, the other, and fire

I started telling the truth a few days ago. The truth shall set you free. The truth hurts.

I have to be authentic to myself, but I also realize that with autonomy and power and individuality comes afraidness and loneliness and pain and loss.

I dreamed last night that there were fires all around me and it was in structures(buildings) very close to me, and people that I cared about might perish or get hurt.

I feel like I leapt over/off that cliff, and damn it! my astrology reading is tonight! and I thought I could/should wait!!!!

What's up with the concept and aliveness and feeling of Eros, or passion? What does it mean and represent?

I think the 'other' is something that's hard-wired into me, through my Dad. My Mom held the shadow side of it, I think. It's about being into multiplicities and having the diversity (that's a nice way to put it March!) of many - never a dull moment! or maybe it's also about dualism and polarities - yeah! That rang a bell! Oh, and all this multiple stuff specifically in relationships...my mom and dad and keith and steve and alice and cebelle and evonne and me and al and and russ and morgan and kyle and erin...I don't see anything wrong with having multiple partners and numerous intimate relationships at the same time, basically. I learned it when I was born, grew up with it always, and fought it off/threw it away w/r, but you know, it's a part of me and I have to be honest about it and deal with it - because it's a part of me and I don't think it's going away.

So if this famous 'other' is really just a part of yourself....who is that other March? What's his or her name? What are they doing in your life?
So to see this other, be in touch with it, I almost need to look at me (the sun) and then take a look the shadow, the opposite? Does it always usually (perfect word choices there Sherlock!) have to be the opposite?

I feel a touch bit mad (like crazy mad) right now....

Two cool things this week -

1. Amazon.com's - Concordance option(s) for a book that you might be considering to read - really cool right-brain stuff!

2. Google Trends - Tracking everything in trends graph stats from sking to good/evil - way cool, but what exactly does it mean?

MORE new words

1. Ennui = boredom, teduim
http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=ennui
2.

Trust

Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's hard
you've got to try to trust youself
I know it's hard, so hard....


Thanks to Kt Tunstall
http://www.kttunstall.net/

fling(ing)

Our emotions are interesting 'things'...Thinking about Jung and the collective archetypes...and philosophy, and me.
Right now I 'm feeling quite the fling machine - casting myself across the universe, (or, more specifically, some place in, let's say, Germany). My polarities are running strong; the whole Pisces Sun/Leo Moon thing is shining so brightly it's making my eyes and head hurt...I run so damn contrary.
Back to the emotions....How can someone experience such incredible variances and occurances within one's inner soul and not have any sensual (real/corporal) relationships in reality, manifest?
Words, and the emotions they can generate, are heady things...they have the power to afix a reality that may be only present in one's mind - nevertheless, a reality of sort. I run into real issues about that reality - what does it MEAN? What do those experiences, singular and static, have to do with the sensual/real? Are THEY real? Maybe it's just a 'wired the same way' thing - common bonds that you may find relate to another's bonds - what is the meaning of the commonality?
Why do I insist on finding meaning where none may exist? Why am I not happy to discover those emotions just within myself - looking instead always outward outside....to the other, to the hoped for transcendence with the other, instead of using them to transcend my only self?

I think Jung saw the result of living in this subject reality, way too far living in it, as a form of disease, mental disease - neurosis. But again, it's being to far out to one 'side' - too far into the emotions, as opposed to too far into the real/pragmatic - uncaring, hard, cold type of diseases.

What exactly is math?

Redwood trees and probability mathematics....

Still fresh from that 1/2 waking 1/2 sleeping state... and I'm channeling again.

Unified theory is for singulation, and probability math/theory, and maybe quantum stuff, for the the very complex and multiple. Quantum theory is not at odds with a unified view, it's more on a continum.
Evolution of things are in here too...like redwood trees.

I have to go take my remedy and make some coffee - more soon.


And thanks for J for being a recent catalyst, somehow :-)

no title for right now...

New words this week:

1. Argot - kinda like a special language? "A specialized vocabulary or set of idioms used by a particular group: thieves' argot. "
Damn, I'm good!

2. Smarmy - I love this word!!!

1. Hypocritically, complacently, or effusively earnest; unctuous.
   
2. Sleek.

Well, that brings up another juicy sounding word - unctuous. OK - we need to add that;

2A. Unctuous -

1. Characterized by affected, exaggerated, or insincere earnestness: “the unctuous, complacent court composer who is consumed with envy and self-loathing” (Rhoda Koenig).
2. Having the quality or characteristics of oil or ointment; slippery.
3. Containing or composed of oil or fat.
4. Abundant in organic materials; soft and rich: unctuous soil.

3. Eponymous - Not what I thought it meant at first..."Of, relating to, or constituting an eponym." which in turn leads us to - eponym, which is defined as -

1. A person whose name is or is thought to be the source of the name of something, such as a city, country, or era. For example, Romulus is the eponym of Rome.
2. Medicine. A name of a drug, structure, or disease based on or derived from the name of a person.

4. Concupiscence - sounds like some kink-related disease...."A strong desire, especially sexual desire; lust."
That must have been projection!

Me and Susan Sontag

So, Susan and I are more alike that I thought...

"Yet she was saved by an uncontrollable element in her temperament - a yearning for emotional experience, even for transcendence...she wanted to be overwhelmed, even humbled."
and
"She may have rejected cultural levels, but she embraced intellectual hierarchies; she wanted to know who mattered in any given art form and where people ranked."
and
'The ardency of her desire for genius..."

See? Just like me!!!

From the Sept. 12, 2005 New Yorker article entitled The MovieGoer by David Denby.

My dreams

1. Use the bookstore to have a 1 or 2 time a month open house/current events discussion/author talk/intellectual exersize - ala what Arthur Young used to do at his house. First two guest lecturers: Antero and Ric.

2. Open a yarn and/or fabric store

3. Open a paint-your-own pottery studio - offer free studio time to needy kids and families, funded by others

4. Teach/work with young kids again - Alice Water's Gardening in Schools program, arts and music programs, etc. Something out of the norm and arts/music/creativity oriented.

Questions...

Does different mean separate?

Romantics vs the Enlightenment

Passion of the Western Mind:
"Emotion and imagination, rather than reason and perception, were of prime importance."

"The romantics gloried in the unbounded multiplicity of realities pressing in on his subjective awareness, and in the complete uniqueness of each object, event, and experience presented to his soul."

Blake as representative of the romantic view.

Relationships

I was thinking there is some relationship between where you would place yourself on the continum between evolution of consciousness and perennialism and your view of (meaning) love and what your psychological/Jungian archetype is.

More on this later....

Dreams....

I had this vignette type of dream over the weekend - I dreamed I was re-born. I was standing next to my re-born self, and I was a little smaller (meaning shorter and weighed less) and I had blond hair. I looked over at this self, and said 'wow', so this is me re-born! I would hardly recognize myself!

Love Quote of the Day

http://feeds.feedburner.com/feedburner/Majp

It's my birthday! - with songs no less...!

State of the state on the big 5-0...

If you know me, it's gonna be questions here, instead of just the usual banter...

1. Why haven't I trusted my intuition before? Why does there seem to be a conflict between my intuition, meaning listening to it and dealing with what it says, and not listening to it and trying to force whatever instead? What would happen if we only acted on our intuition?

2. Has love really died? Does love conquer all or not? (FYI to my family: These are esoteric and rhetorical questions ONLY!)

3. Why am I so naturally melancholy?

4. Have I already had my 15 minutes of fame?

5. And last, but certainly not least: Why do I try to universalize my feelings and writings and all these stupid questions? LOL!

...other than those immediately perplexing issues, which most probably don't have any immediate un-perplexing answers - I'm good!

Dancing in the street today to:

1. Buffalo Springfield - Bluebird - Great deep Steven Stills guitar jam in the middle...yeah :-) and those lyrics...my oh my.

Listen to my bluebird laugh
She can't tell you why
Deep within her heart you see
She knows only cryin', just cryin', yeah

There she sits, a lofty perch
Strangest color blue
Flying is forgotten now
She thinks only of you, just you, ohhhh..

So get all those blues, must be a thousand hues
And each is differently used, you just know
You sit there mesmorized by the depth of her eyes
If you could catagorize, she got soul
She got soul, she got soul, she got soul

Do you think she loves you
Do you think at all?
Soon she's going to fly away
Sadness is her own
Fill herself a bath of tears
And go home, and go home

Resonating with Emerson

"Intellectual science has been observed to beget invariably a doubt of the existence of matter. Turgot said, "He that has never doubted the existence of matter, may be assured he has no aptitude for metaphysical inquiries." It fastens the attention upon immortal necessary uncreated natures, that is, upon Ideas; and in their presence, we feel that the outward circumstance is a dream and a shade. Whilst we wait in this Olympus of gods, we think of nature as an appendix to the soul. We ascend into their region, and know that these are the thoughts of the Supreme Being. "These are they who were set up from everlasting, from the beginning, or ever the earth was. When he prepared the heavens, they were there; when he established the clouds above, when he strengthened the fountains of the deep. Then they were by him, as one brought up with him. Of them took he counsel."

Their influence is proportionate. As objects of science, they are accessible to few men. Yet all men are capable of being raised by piety or by passion, into their region. And no man touches these divine natures, without becoming, in some degree, himself divine. Like a new soul, they renew the body. We become physically nimble and lightsome; we tread on air; life is no longer irksome, and we think it will never be so. No man fears age or misfortune or death, in their serene company, for he is transported out of the district of change. Whilst we behold unveiled the nature of Justice and Truth, we learn the difference between the absolute and the conditional or relative. We apprehend the absolute. As it were, for the first time, we exist. We become immortal, for we learn that time and space are relations of matter; that, with a perception of truth, or a virtuous will, they have no affinity."

http://www.vcu.edu/engweb/transcendentalism/authors/emerson/essays/naturetext.html

and that word was.....

Apophenia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apophenia

More on this later, and thanks to F for helping me locate it :-)

More sad sack...(read: NO physics here yet!)

What's the REAL difference between being a visionary and being mad? What's the REAL difference between seeing the sweeping, numinous trends and influences amongst the rich confluence of circumstances, history and potentialities and having (insert word here for seeing simple, random data turn into some sort of pattern or correlation that doesn't really exist - such word which I can't think of right now, have been trying to look it up for OVER 20 minutes now, and it's getting later and later, and I have to get to work, so screw it - I'm not going to be able to finish this post right this second!!! and boy, and I mad about it! WHAT IS THAT WORD?)....
tbc.

Fit to be tied! (No physics stuff here..)

Yeah - I'm fit to be tied, with myself.
Today I feel and think I'm just a breathing push/pull contradiction in emotions and feelings.....I'm WAY better than I was when I was younger, in the contraction and emotional swingey department - boy, I must have been a real handful to my boyfriends, my family......I'm better now, meaning as I come upon the big 5-0 - if better is more able to identify the contradictions and see myself in both sides of the shadow of the pendulum...One minute I'm in love, one minute I'm not, one minute I'm sad, one minute I'm not, one day I'm excited, one day I'm not, one month I'm loving, one month I'm not, one time I'm hot, one time I'm not, one year I'm happy, one year I'm not....

I was going to entitle this post 'the death of love' ... yeah - how fucking melodramatic is THAT?

Perspective is everything!

So I'm at work today, and my co-worker and I are having an issue with the printer....soon, everyone is calling and stopping by our desks to ask what's up. So this one woman comes by and asks why she suddenly can't print, and my co-worker says to her that no one can print right now - we're having a technical problem with the print server, and he adds that the issue should be fixed in about 10 minutes. So she leaves, and my co-worker walks away too. 5 minutes go by, and the same woman comes by my desk and asks me what wrong with her print function, that she can't print. So I tell her basically the same thing that my co-worker told her - yada yada. As she's leaving to go back to her office, my co-worker returns and looks at the woman walking away, and then look back at me. "So what did she want?" he asks. I tell him she asked me, pretty much, the same question she asked him, and that I told her the same thing that he had told her. My co-worker shakes his head and says tsk tsk. I say "Well, maybe she didn't hear what you said to her." My co-worker says, "No honey, she heard what I said all right, she just didn't listen to what I said."

I loved that! Sometimes it's just all about your perspective.

Today, I feel like sticking with the intellectual stuff - lord knows I'm too ephemeral to be thought of as smart, but during this internally heartfelt and confusing past year, maybe taking out the emotional would be a good thing, cause today I don't know which way is up within myself and I'm feeling incredibly stupid and small.

What have I learned during this last year?

Why can't I just get on with things?

Why am I so transparent and vunerable? And then can't even tell/say/deal with my real feelings about my life and the folks in it?

Yada yada - I'm a freaking mess!


More on the non-local universe later - cause I'm thinking (that's a good girl!) that isn't probabilities and quantum stuff still cartesian, in the sense that it's still more than one, or either A or B and then if not A then B is still two things, right? Still dual!?

Words I don't know - but should...with definitions, thankfully!

Sadly, these we gleamed from ONLY the 1.8.06 NYT magazine - yikes!

1. Pejorative
Tending to make or become worse. Disparaging; belittling

2. Invidious
Tending to rouse ill will, animosity, or resentment: invidious accusations. Containing or implying a slight; discriminatory: invidious distinctions.

3. Obeisance
A gesture or movement of the body, such as a curtsy, that expresses deference or homage.

4. Ineluctability
Not to be avoided or escaped; inevitable

5. Obdurate
Hardened in wrongdoing or wickedness; stubbornly impenitent. Not giving in to persuasion; intractable


Thanks to Dictionary.com :-) for the definitions

Is human consciousness an ontology?

Reading The Non-local Universe now...

More from this book about what I'm callling the singulation process..."If nonlocality is a property of the entire universe, then we must also conclude that an undivided wholeness exists on the most primary and basic level in all aspects of physical reality. What we are actually dealing with in science per se, however, are manifestations of this reality, which are invoked or ''actualized" in making acts of observation or measurement."

Not "actualized" but singulated.

New Year 2006

I'm back in CA today from a wonderful, and of course much too short visit back home...it's so hard going back and forth, and there are many ties to both locations...no easy solutions, so I cont. to log my frequent flyer miles :-) and try to make house in both places.

Reading the Non-Local Universe by Nadeau and Kafatos and still reading Brian Greene's Fabric of the Cosmos...

I've signed up for two classes this Spring - Western World Views II, with Tarnas and McDermott, and Edwards' 1 unit class on Time and Physics, or something like that - the text is Greene's book, so I figured I would take it to have space to discuss and process the book...