Sexuality and Transcendence - ouch! Watch your touch!!

Background music for this post: Eminence Front - The Who

My sexuality, these days, is akin to quantum physics visual representation of a multiverse - multilayered, shimmering, dynamic..like the picture Susskind came up with during his lecture...and my sexuality is also power, and powerful, and illuminating my relationships...

So I have been wielding it as a weapon lately, but only en garding with those who have no sharp tip to return my thrusts...LOL! What's exactly up with that? (she asked with a raise of her eyebrows on the 'up' word in that sentence...)

And boy, am I feeling the swinging (oh - and there are so many layers of analogies in here, wow!) of the back and forth, higher and higher arc of the sexuality/sensuality pendulum swing - gaining strength and forthrightness with each pass to the come point...yeah. In other words, if you push your sexuality and your lust, desire, ardor, to higher and higher grounds and feats, do you get the reciprocal better and bigger orgasms in return? Does one eventually find the thing one is seeking? What is the relationship there, here, between stimulation and titillation and fulfillment?

I have pushed away all the sex - and thought I only wanted the love...and then I pushed away all the love, only thinking I wanted the sex...both pushes are too much, too pushed out, into, of a shape that I resemble.

I ONLY want the transcendence, really, in my soul of souls. And it doesn't seem to be obtainable with my wholly contradictory universe; my self.