What I'm thinking about - Part 1

What is the impact of foreign monies being invested into large US corporations/businesses?
Such as - http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/071127/wall_street.html

It just doesn't set well....

Old vs young (Random thoughts)

Or millennium vs baby boomer...in regards to investing or stock growth potential.
Key is analyzing who owns the company (not the capital investors), who runs it, the age range (generation) of the folks that are owners.

Millenium interests, with support - nanotechnology, biomedical nanotechnology

Baby Boomers - ecological, recycling

New work wanted

What would it take to get me out from behind my computer? What employment opportunity might be available so I can do more 'meaningful' work? So I'm not just an admin. type paper-pusher - I want to have a job that satisfies me on the inside, in my heart, and lets me use my intuition more, involves the free use of my intelligence, some work that involves right and just and moral interactions, including interactions with nature...

What kind of work would that be?

How could I forget, she...

innocently asked? It most probably was one of THE most important dreams I've had in quite some time!!! How did I forget to post it here?

Well, here:

I never felt loved.
I still (sometimes) don't.
I masturbated because it felt good, and it made me feel good, which not much else did.
My parents never gave me a 'role model' for a relationship.

I substituted sex for love, and now know that they have absolutely nothing to do with one another, except for lots of similarities - like they both feel good, get you stimulated, etc. But most importantly, one does NOT mean the other.

I'm so

f&*king melancholy sometimes uh? So full of angst and weltschmertz (as J might say)...
ya, I know.

I'm better today.

Family Legacies and letting go

I had a strong and seemingly meaningful dream last night - about M, the role of love in my life, and about letting go.
In essence, the dream detailed another futile attempt at M and I 'getting together', possibly reflecting both his most current offer (which I was unable to do because I was still moving), and the totality of our relationship...He had come over to visit or something like that, and I tried like hell to entertain him, amuse him, sexually interest him, etc. and his response was bland and reserved. I had the feeling that we both knew exactly what was the hidden agenda (we could not let go) , but like most times, it wasn't getting dealt with or talked about...and the most interesting part of this dream was it's illumination on M's situation - why he has been involved all these years, and what keeps him coming back for more...it wasn't exactly spelled out for me, but part of the message in the dream seemed to point out to me that M's role and it's resolution is just as important as mine...but M is most always as tip-lipped as a clam when it comes to his karma and our relationship (and of course he never utters the word karma)...It's definitely a sun/saturn moon/sun relationship.
Anywho - it was all about unrequited and unresolved emotions, mostly love, and him going through the motions of us being together, me trying like hell to get him to 'love' me, and just a general malaise of a semi-tragic relationship of opposites tied together with sex, karma and cultural stereotypes...I saw most of our relationship being me trying to get him to love me and the bottom line is that he just doesn't.
I woke up from this powerful dream crying, and said these words out loud to myself, almost as if those words were coming out of the dream images themselves - 'It's OK to let go'.

It's OK to let go.


It's OK to let go.


It's OK to let go.

M, again

It must be the retrograde Mercury....



Today,
I cling to the cornucopia of you like an insulated life jacket,
I'm adrift again,
the sky mimics all the gray grey, clouds moving into misty whiteness, shades and variations on bleak, dynamic, metamorphic; then sun,
then again
back to gray.

You were the shape of my intimate things to come,
you helped form the clay,
the sensualness of what became my art, in touching,
in the deep sexuality between us.

What did I know?
You were all I knew.
You were all I knew.

What did you know?
What did you know?

Good morning - Full Moon

Full Moon in Aries (Sun in Virgo) tonight.

I've been meaning to blog about the Saturday Salon with my Dad now for a while...here's the scene and the players.


The Players:
My Dad = The Elder Statesman

Me = The Madame

Dick = The Decider

Alvin = The Minister of Information

Erin = The Acolyte

Ken = The Librarian (or the Interloper)

Russ = The Counselor

Malcolm = The Jester

Kyle = The Crown Prince

The Setting:
Saturday afternoon, anywhere from 2pm until 3pm, the Salon is open.

Location:
King Yen Restaurant, 2995 College Ave, Berkeley, CA

Seems

Seems like it's been a month since I last posted!

Lunar eclipse drove me deep into dreamland last night; sexual dreaming, of course, about M and I. It was very intense and serious even though it was about lovemaking - he agreed to sleep with me again but only under the circumstances of me telling him exactly what kinds of things I wanted him to do to me, things I know would please me which in turn would please him - definitely a s/d dream but with a twist.

I just plain 'ol miss him. (Still semi-convinced here that I only want/miss the unobtainable)

On another note - I'm so freaking busy at work I have not had a spare minute to even think about singulation, well, hardly an extra minute. I do want to attempt some sort of creative expressive arts to describe it though - drawing, or painting? How do we visually describe complex abstract thoughts and ideas? (Mathematics are one way)

And I want to sign up for David Peat's class this semester - I'll see about doing that today.

d/s

It's clear to see that you're down to earth
With a hold on what your worth
Like no other
And I'd like to thank your mother for that

I bet ya there's a line outside your door
And it's a line I know for sure
That you don't want from me
Like a hole in your head

I want to be just you just me
No tricks, no show
But I got to let you know

I'm not waiting in line
I'm not changing my mind for you
I'm not wasting my time
I'm not waiting in line for you

Now I think if we got something started
We would both fall in whole hearted
I'm not like no other
And you can thank my mother for that

I'm sure there is a line in front of me
And it's a line I'm sure to need from you
Like a whole in my head

I want to be just you just me
No tricks, no show
But I got to let you know

I'm not waiting in line
I'm not changing my mind for you
I'm not wasting my time
I'm not waiting in line for you

I've been saving myself for you
But I'm not wasting my time for no one
Oh But if you want me to be
Baby I'll be rough enough
Baby I'll be tough enough
Oh you know I'm rich enough
But I wont be nobody's fool

I'm not waiting in line
And I'm not changing my mind for you
I'm not wasting my time
I'm not waiting in line for you

I'm not waiting in line
And I'm not changing my mind for you
I'm not wasting my time
I'm not waiting in line

Unless you want me to

I'd vote for all of them dept.

Thanks to The onion - www.theonion.com

It's reassuring...

for a philosopher and wanna-be physics geek like me to know that singulation is occuring *ALL* the time. Singulation happens when collapse takes place and when elements, atoms, photons, etc. are combined too - like putting cream into my coffee, and stirring - collapse and combination.

And my coffee tastes good too :-)

Notebook 5

Notebook 4

Notebook 3