New Yorker and word substitutions

6/12/06

Taking a part out of a NY story, and substituting the word "men" for the word "art", or hey, how about substituting the word "sex" for "men"?

..."Attempting to burrow and disappear into the admiration of certain men, I tried to make such deep and pure identification that my integrity as a human self would become optional, a vestige of my relationship to men. I wanted to submit and submerge, even to die a little. I developed a preference, among others, for men that required endurance, that mimicked a galactic endlessness and wore out the non-believers...By trying to export myself into a place that didn't fully exist, I was asking men to bear my expectation that they could be better than life, that they could redeem life. At the depths I'd plumb them, so many perfectly sufficient men became thin, anemic. I sucked the juice out of what I loved until I found myself in a desert, sucking rocks for water."

Goo, again

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am


I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Soul

I can't believe you're saying
That you've given to me all that you can
I can't believe you're thinking
At the top of your lungs this feels so bad

All that I see
What's left here for me

I want your soul
Give it to me now
I want your soul
Give it to me now

I know that we are breaking
Apart the hands that once were closed
I know when we are faking
From the top of my lungs down to my bones

That's all there is
That's left to give

I want your soul
Give it to me now
I want your soul
Give it to me
Give it to me
I want
Give it to me
I want your soul
Give it to me now, now
I want your soul
Give it to me
Give it to me now

Rocco Deluca and The Burden

Old notes

From 12/05

Bohm: But I'm saying that everything is the observer and everything is the observed.

Irreducible elements of singulation:

Matter in time...observer observes...matter singulated...reality is decided, time freezes, then continues. Time is inherent in singulated matter/energy.

Math. It all about using mathematics.
Bohm: Abstract math as the 'accessable language'.
Weber: Beyond all language = Fourth level
Mathematics = Third level
Heisenberg: Mathematics as the essence of reality
Godel: Mathematical inituition

Sexuality and Transcendence - ouch! Watch your touch!!

Background music for this post: Eminence Front - The Who

My sexuality, these days, is akin to quantum physics visual representation of a multiverse - multilayered, shimmering, dynamic..like the picture Susskind came up with during his lecture...and my sexuality is also power, and powerful, and illuminating my relationships...

So I have been wielding it as a weapon lately, but only en garding with those who have no sharp tip to return my thrusts...LOL! What's exactly up with that? (she asked with a raise of her eyebrows on the 'up' word in that sentence...)

And boy, am I feeling the swinging (oh - and there are so many layers of analogies in here, wow!) of the back and forth, higher and higher arc of the sexuality/sensuality pendulum swing - gaining strength and forthrightness with each pass to the come point...yeah. In other words, if you push your sexuality and your lust, desire, ardor, to higher and higher grounds and feats, do you get the reciprocal better and bigger orgasms in return? Does one eventually find the thing one is seeking? What is the relationship there, here, between stimulation and titillation and fulfillment?

I have pushed away all the sex - and thought I only wanted the love...and then I pushed away all the love, only thinking I wanted the sex...both pushes are too much, too pushed out, into, of a shape that I resemble.

I ONLY want the transcendence, really, in my soul of souls. And it doesn't seem to be obtainable with my wholly contradictory universe; my self.

John Butler Trio

Why do I deserve such a visit
From the one I thought I'd never meet.
Beyond my greatest expectations.
You exceeded everything.
Well here I am

Take me for what you see
For I'm transparent in the light of you.
And look inside,
See that fire burning bright
The same one you rekindled inside me

My mouth was dry
only you quenched my thirst
I thought I was last
You told me I was first.

And I thought I was seeing Angels
And now I know I was.
your wings around me
Feel good they always does .

So there I was
Ain't the same man I used to be
But do you still like what you in me.
For I am frightened
Shed so much I clung onto
The only thing I got left is this guitar and you.

Nowhere to run
Been out here too long
Under the sun.
Am I too afraid
To get some.
To afraid to give myself some shade
I hope and pray I do some day.

Belonging

Belonging

wanting to holy belong.

searching for the sense of self
in the wholly experienced
fulfilling
another in their eyes, their soul

looking out into the wide yawning cosmos
finding only my reflection
still
installed in the incommunicable.


Inside; transparent, motionless, transistory, hollow belonging
not oneness
incarnate
channeling what is not your own.

Am I always to be outside?
filled with longing
to belong.

Dividing up stuff still...

The Ascent of Science by Brian Silver is a great book! It's so sad too, that he died right before publication..(I think...)

String theory is stupid. Dismissed.

Chaos theory is where it's at - and it connects better with the mathematics side...

More later, and I fully realize I need to get on with this, and stop doing something else, but SE has been taking up a lot of my time lately, which may be coming to an end soon...we will have to see.

A symbol for the psyche

Crack in the egg

Thanks to A and D and of course, my Dad, for the ever fruitful Saturdays at Kin Yen, and the stimulating conversations :-)
They were giving me an especially challenging time yesterday - I wrote out the whole thing(s) on the back of an envelope....Better than a napkin? LOL!

Title too big to fit here....

new words:

1. apposite
2. ineffable (not really new, more just forgotten, and I do want to revive it because it's a beautiful word!)
(The rest are all from a few of Anthony Lane articles in recent (well, one is from '03) The NY'ers; I very much like his visual images and specifically taut treatment of words!) (I mean come on, AL is a damn wordsmith, listen to THIS: "You come away from the book wrung out, stretched between pity and exasperation, relieved that you didn't have to crouch in the blast area of Lowell's existence (though regretful that you weren't in his classes, at Boston University in the nineteen fifties and later at Harvard), and frankly amazed that any poetry at all, let alone great poetry, was able to emerge from the wreckage." ------WOW! That's visual writing!
3. encomium
4. implacably
5. jud(der)(ing)
6. obsequies
7. magniloquence (I think I already can figure out what this basically means, but I still wrote it down, as I am enamored with the way it sounds when spoken!)
8. quotidian (same as above)

Singulation - macro and micro

So the 'big bang' theory ala not just a singularity, a process of singulation - that the universe was created in an 'instant'/singularity- why could it not be the macro of the same thing that happens as micro level, in which reality is created/singulation?

MICRO	MACRO
Dynamic infrastructure	Newton's Laws
Atomic level - elements, atoms	Complex entities - humans, tables, trees
Faster	Slower
Probability math	Unified theory
Quantum mechanics	Einstein
Time speeds up?	Gravity

Is force a by-product of the move towards macro? Do only heavy/big things have/are effected by gravity? Is force an intrinsic by-product of singulation?
One the micro level we see forces instead of objects.

The truth, the other, and fire

I started telling the truth a few days ago. The truth shall set you free. The truth hurts.

I have to be authentic to myself, but I also realize that with autonomy and power and individuality comes afraidness and loneliness and pain and loss.

I dreamed last night that there were fires all around me and it was in structures(buildings) very close to me, and people that I cared about might perish or get hurt.

I feel like I leapt over/off that cliff, and damn it! my astrology reading is tonight! and I thought I could/should wait!!!!

What's up with the concept and aliveness and feeling of Eros, or passion? What does it mean and represent?

I think the 'other' is something that's hard-wired into me, through my Dad. My Mom held the shadow side of it, I think. It's about being into multiplicities and having the diversity (that's a nice way to put it March!) of many - never a dull moment! or maybe it's also about dualism and polarities - yeah! That rang a bell! Oh, and all this multiple stuff specifically in relationships...my mom and dad and keith and steve and alice and cebelle and evonne and me and al and and russ and morgan and kyle and erin...I don't see anything wrong with having multiple partners and numerous intimate relationships at the same time, basically. I learned it when I was born, grew up with it always, and fought it off/threw it away w/r, but you know, it's a part of me and I have to be honest about it and deal with it - because it's a part of me and I don't think it's going away.

So if this famous 'other' is really just a part of yourself....who is that other March? What's his or her name? What are they doing in your life?
So to see this other, be in touch with it, I almost need to look at me (the sun) and then take a look the shadow, the opposite? Does it always usually (perfect word choices there Sherlock!) have to be the opposite?

I feel a touch bit mad (like crazy mad) right now....

Two cool things this week -

1. Amazon.com's - Concordance option(s) for a book that you might be considering to read - really cool right-brain stuff!

2. Google Trends - Tracking everything in trends graph stats from sking to good/evil - way cool, but what exactly does it mean?

MORE new words

1. Ennui = boredom, teduim
http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=ennui
2.