New Words for August

Propitious = presenting favorable circumstances; likely to result in or show signs or success

Cachet = An indication of approved or superior status

Implacably = incapable of being placated (I may have listed this one before)

Enmity = a state of deep-seated ill-will

Biografiends = James Joyce's word for nosy academics!

Torpor = a state of motor and mental inactivity with a partial suspension of sensibility

Verisimilitude = the appearance of truth; the quality of seeming to be true

Demimondaine = a woman whose sexual promiscuity places her outside respectable society

new words # 7,459

OK - my wordsmith and the New Yorker are kicking my ass lately; here's the latest list:

1. Prolixity = boring verbosity

2. QED = (I'm not even SURE here what definition to use!) but I'll guess - Abbreviation for quod erat demonstrandum (Latin, meaning "“which was to be proved"”)

3. Orotund = marked by fullness, strength and clarity or sound; sonorous. 2. pompous; bombastic.

4. Insouciant = casual: marked by blithe unconcern.

Meant to love...

Sometimes I think I'm only meant to love, not be loved by someone else, not have love, be loved just to me. I may have ended up choosing a path that leaves me alone, but my truest consolation will be to have loved - sharply, poetically, expansively, unequivocally, greatly, otherworldly, truly.

My soul opens up when I love, I become a better person, I'm whole, I get that transcendence I so ardently desire...
Today I wonder if by really deeply loving someone else we can shed our egos, overcome our selfish ego and our self-centered desires...
I think so...

AND most importantly, if you are reading this and wondering "Is she talking about loving me?", then YES! you know that I'm writing about you, and I LOVE YOU!!!

Oh, and lastly, the kind of love I'm talking about doesn't just have to be a person to person kind of love - it can be the love of anything, everything - like nature, like a color, like a great book. As long as you feel it's vivid, compelling, everlasting, eternal, lofty.

Archetypes and the planets

The question that remains is that if Saturn is the archetype father planet for the ego, what would be the archetype planet for the mother archetype? (Of course, all this stuff came out/over/through the dream I had the other night, and I really don't know anything about planets and archetypes and all this, so *please*, if you come along on this blog and you can contribute something to the gestation bin, please do!)
I thought maybe the mother archetype planet would the Sun, you know, the Sun gives life, makes things grow, makes warmth, etc. but then I thought maybe it would be the Moon, with it's feminine connections...

Nature and humans

What are those planets doing today? I'm overcome with these Saturn (?) revelations this morning, waxing between intimate connectedness and philosophical distance..like,


Man (Humans) are ONLY just a relection of Nature.

Nature is our Psyche.

Overpowering ego...

I think it's Will that can overpower ego.
Or Will can transcend the changes that Ego makes, would be a better way to put it.

Ego death or change

So does one does have many types of Egos? - Sexual, Parental, etc. or is there just one? What happens when your Ego dies, or it's shed like a snake skin; what's underneath, below?

I saw, in a dream last night, that the ego was like a version of geology and plate tectonics, where the Ego was akin to a continent, floating atop and around ones true self.. Each continent then could be seen as types of Egos or versions of egos, and of course in each of these continents, geological forces occasionally took over to change the lay of the land, the geography, the tiny foundation of apparent terra firma that lies below...
And thanks to J for then further extending this image to both the oceans (maybe here the image is deep and surface pieces of the ego) and to point out the addition/image of a volcano, and eruption from below to the land level of the self and the ego - what is the magma? What changes on what level are wrought by eruptions? What causes these eruptions? What's is the magma then? (That's one of the most interesting concepts to me right now...)

New Yorker and word substitutions

6/12/06

Taking a part out of a NY story, and substituting the word "men" for the word "art", or hey, how about substituting the word "sex" for "men"?

..."Attempting to burrow and disappear into the admiration of certain men, I tried to make such deep and pure identification that my integrity as a human self would become optional, a vestige of my relationship to men. I wanted to submit and submerge, even to die a little. I developed a preference, among others, for men that required endurance, that mimicked a galactic endlessness and wore out the non-believers...By trying to export myself into a place that didn't fully exist, I was asking men to bear my expectation that they could be better than life, that they could redeem life. At the depths I'd plumb them, so many perfectly sufficient men became thin, anemic. I sucked the juice out of what I loved until I found myself in a desert, sucking rocks for water."

Goo, again

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am


I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Soul

I can't believe you're saying
That you've given to me all that you can
I can't believe you're thinking
At the top of your lungs this feels so bad

All that I see
What's left here for me

I want your soul
Give it to me now
I want your soul
Give it to me now

I know that we are breaking
Apart the hands that once were closed
I know when we are faking
From the top of my lungs down to my bones

That's all there is
That's left to give

I want your soul
Give it to me now
I want your soul
Give it to me
Give it to me
I want
Give it to me
I want your soul
Give it to me now, now
I want your soul
Give it to me
Give it to me now

Rocco Deluca and The Burden

Old notes

From 12/05

Bohm: But I'm saying that everything is the observer and everything is the observed.

Irreducible elements of singulation:

Matter in time...observer observes...matter singulated...reality is decided, time freezes, then continues. Time is inherent in singulated matter/energy.

Math. It all about using mathematics.
Bohm: Abstract math as the 'accessable language'.
Weber: Beyond all language = Fourth level
Mathematics = Third level
Heisenberg: Mathematics as the essence of reality
Godel: Mathematical inituition

Sexuality and Transcendence - ouch! Watch your touch!!

Background music for this post: Eminence Front - The Who

My sexuality, these days, is akin to quantum physics visual representation of a multiverse - multilayered, shimmering, dynamic..like the picture Susskind came up with during his lecture...and my sexuality is also power, and powerful, and illuminating my relationships...

So I have been wielding it as a weapon lately, but only en garding with those who have no sharp tip to return my thrusts...LOL! What's exactly up with that? (she asked with a raise of her eyebrows on the 'up' word in that sentence...)

And boy, am I feeling the swinging (oh - and there are so many layers of analogies in here, wow!) of the back and forth, higher and higher arc of the sexuality/sensuality pendulum swing - gaining strength and forthrightness with each pass to the come point...yeah. In other words, if you push your sexuality and your lust, desire, ardor, to higher and higher grounds and feats, do you get the reciprocal better and bigger orgasms in return? Does one eventually find the thing one is seeking? What is the relationship there, here, between stimulation and titillation and fulfillment?

I have pushed away all the sex - and thought I only wanted the love...and then I pushed away all the love, only thinking I wanted the sex...both pushes are too much, too pushed out, into, of a shape that I resemble.

I ONLY want the transcendence, really, in my soul of souls. And it doesn't seem to be obtainable with my wholly contradictory universe; my self.

John Butler Trio

Why do I deserve such a visit
From the one I thought I'd never meet.
Beyond my greatest expectations.
You exceeded everything.
Well here I am

Take me for what you see
For I'm transparent in the light of you.
And look inside,
See that fire burning bright
The same one you rekindled inside me

My mouth was dry
only you quenched my thirst
I thought I was last
You told me I was first.

And I thought I was seeing Angels
And now I know I was.
your wings around me
Feel good they always does .

So there I was
Ain't the same man I used to be
But do you still like what you in me.
For I am frightened
Shed so much I clung onto
The only thing I got left is this guitar and you.

Nowhere to run
Been out here too long
Under the sun.
Am I too afraid
To get some.
To afraid to give myself some shade
I hope and pray I do some day.

Belonging

Belonging

wanting to holy belong.

searching for the sense of self
in the wholly experienced
fulfilling
another in their eyes, their soul

looking out into the wide yawning cosmos
finding only my reflection
still
installed in the incommunicable.


Inside; transparent, motionless, transistory, hollow belonging
not oneness
incarnate
channeling what is not your own.

Am I always to be outside?
filled with longing
to belong.

Dividing up stuff still...

The Ascent of Science by Brian Silver is a great book! It's so sad too, that he died right before publication..(I think...)

String theory is stupid. Dismissed.

Chaos theory is where it's at - and it connects better with the mathematics side...

More later, and I fully realize I need to get on with this, and stop doing something else, but SE has been taking up a lot of my time lately, which may be coming to an end soon...we will have to see.