Another dream...

As in the real kind, the ones you have when you're sleeping...

R was behind in his bills ans payments and such, and we were struggling financially. I had twin babies, about 8 months old, and I was still nursing them. I really didn't know or understand how far behind in the bills R was until the big bad bill collector showed up and threatened to kill R and us really; the general feeling tone was we were all going to hell because R was behind in the bills. I was both furious and totallyfreaked out - and on top of all this was the immanent threat of a very dangerous and terrible weather event - cyclone, hurricane, something undefined visually or verbally, but bad, scary, dangerous - and it was coming closer all the time!

(This was the second part of the dream, kinda...as I woke up, went to the bathroom, got a drik of water and then went back to bed, and THEN went back into the same dream, with the story line somewhat morphed, but in tact nonetheless...)

In the first part of the dream, of course I was so mad at R! And I decided I would handle it myself, I would pay off the freaking bill collector and then it would all be taken care of - R was an idiot anyway!!! But because I had the twins and the storm was most certainly coming, I couldn't seem to find my checkbook, or the paperwork to the other bills (I wanted to find these so I could throughly and completely! track-back to where the financial screw-ups started, or everything seemed so desparately in disarray that I couldn't find anythig. The situation intensified as the bill collector kept coming around, and I would sense it in my gut that he was around; hiding in the bushes or shadows, I would spy him from inside our big coastside cottage and get really scared! But he was sorta attractive though, and in my gut I knew that if I couldn't get it together to pay the bill off, find my checkbook and write him a check at the last minute, I could make some arrangeemnt with him to make things all better.

So the second part of the dream ended very dramatically, even nearly catastrophically; with the heavy rain and black mud pouring down the terraces outside the cottage, the sky dark and the wind tormentingly howling. The big bad bill collector guy continued snooping around outside the house waiting to kill R, attack the family, and I couldn't ever find my paperwork to pay off the damn bill; what I did find was soaking wet and virtually unreadable...He finally did come in the house and I looked him right in the eye and pleaded with him; I made a pact with the devil right then and there - I KNEW he wouldn't kill me or the twins, and even though I might very well live in servitude to this guy for the rest of my life, I would be alive.