projection (maybe again)

HOW freaking much of my feelings about my relationships and my interactions with a wide variety of people (mostly men of course) was projection!!??You know - good old fashioned I see3 this in someone else, but in another (very close!) reality, it's more to the point of I want this from this person and I'm going to think/act/feel like that feeling i want is coming from them, instead of me.
We need a definition here..."In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism in which one attributes to others one’s own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts or/and emotions. Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted subconscious impulses/desires without letting the ego recognize them. The theory was developed by Sigmund Freud and further refined by his daughter Anna Freud, and for this reason, it is sometimes referred to as "Freudian Projection". (thanks Wikipedia)

And it's a defense mechanism too, so what was I defending against? I think I was defending against being hurt, because I felt my mom and dad (more so my father) did not love me.

How do you tell anything about our own feelings when so much of human interaction is related, conjoined, tied together, pre-singulation and post-singulation?

I ppick up on so many feelings, thoughts, realities, etc. with and around others. I never saw myself as the sensitive Pisces until recently, seeing quite clearly that my sensitivity coupled with my intensity got me involved in quite a few more interesting situations and relationships. again, esp. with men.

I had a dream last night that Jolly and I had a great big fight (quite literally) and that after my realization that by her being taller than me, stronger than me and she could hurt me!, I had to agree to give up seeing Michael..

Many times (lately) I believe that w/o my will and ambition I would have never accomplished anything - maybe my drive was another form of escape uh?